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OUR VERY REASONABLE TONGUE IN CHEEK HUMANITARIAN RIDER & POLICY STATEMENTS RIDER Please read the small print 1: BE NICE A) Elvis Was Polite B) Have a Good Time let the people Dance. Don't let the bouncers Beat up The Fans 2: BILL THE SHOW AS A) THE ARMADILLOS B) NOT ARMADILLO OR FARMADILLOS 3: PICK A SUITABLE SUPPORT ACT OR DJ A) A Cool Rock N Roll Combo or any Band with a Girl in it, Or Last resort a DJ (NO BOXES ON STAGE). B) No F******* Flute Players (no offence it don't go with Texas Swing music) 4: LIGHTS A) ON - Band and crowd should be able to see each other & House Lights Dimmed for Atmosphere B) NO FLASHING LIGHTS or SMOKE MACHINES (they make us Puke) 5: DRESSING ROOM A) Large enough for 4 large men with at least 1 toilet (Must Flush) B) Snacks / crisps /peanuts /sandwiches + 2 Complimentary rounds of drinks or 8 tokens at the Bar 6: LOADERS A) Just a couple of people to carry gear from cars/van to stage & back again after the show B) Especially If Venue Has Stairs 7: INDEMNIFICATION: DON'T Hold THE ARMADILLOS responsible for A) LOSS, DAMAGE, TROUBLE or HARASSMENT B) LITIGATION, EQUIPMENT, PROPERTY or GRIEVOUS HARM to PERSONS, BODIES, PETS or WILDLIFE 8: WATER A) WATER MUST NOT TO BE SUPPLIED TO THE BAND UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES B) WETNESS OR DAMPNESS OF PANTS (EROTIC OR OTHERWISE) (NO dry cleaning bills Will Be Accepted) HUMANITARIAN POLICY STATEMENTS 1: ALCOHOL & CIGARETTES A) The Armadillos Promote The Responsible Use Of Alcohol (Always Drink To Excess Not To Impress) B) Women should Avoid Alcohol & Cigarettes when Pregnant (But may use To Excess To attain Pregnancy) 2: DRUGS A) The Armadillos Neither Condone or Condem the Use of any recreational drugs or substances B) Especially when we ain't got Any 3: THE ENVIRONMENT A) Leave that to Greenpeace & Tree Hugging Muppets (No offence to Muppets Living Or Deceased) B) Please leave this earth as you entered it (In A Screaming Bloody Mess) 4: RELIGION A) The Armadillos Believe In A Higher Being (THE GOD OF RHYTHM) B) Also God Save The Black Vegetarian Lesbian Jewish Mothers Fight To Save The Gay Atomic MuslimWhale (No offence to Scientologists, White/Black/Voodoo Witches, New Age Cults, The KKK or The Masons) 5: POVERTY A) If all the Worlds Wealth was spread equally we'd have No POVERTY (Just a lower standard of living) B) If we didn't have POVERTY who would make CONSUMER PRODUCTS & GUNS for a Buck a day wages ? (Discuss) Non Of These Statements May Affect Your Statutory Rights Or Bare Any Resemblance / Reference To Any Person Dead Or Alive Or Reflect The Views Of All The ARMADILLOS In The World.
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